Thursday, June 22, 2017

its a me mario

its a me mario

thoughts per june 22nd 2017

casual everyday awkward moments:

1. watching infomercials inside a busy morning commute when suddenly there's an interlude when the screen got blank and dark for a few seconds and you found yourself staring at stranger(s) reflections staring at you.

2. 

its a me mario

its a me mario

Thursday, March 23, 2017

the conversation in my head : emotion vs logic


1. it's okay, my life got boring these days. I feel pretty numb, maybe this time it will be different.
- you know you'll get your feelings hurt and depressed--why are you like this?

2. why am I tired, I'm not even doing anything.
- yes you did. you got invested with all this thoughts about that particular person, it drains energy. especially the fact that you're looking for some kind of justification from something that's uncertain.

3.  i think we have telephatic minds
- no, your mind just obsessing over this person every second of every day. it doesn't count.

4. do you know how much i think of throwing myself over a moving train? 2 times a day and 10 times a week.
- this suicidal jokes are not cool, i know you're stressed out--but try to keep it together.

5. why my friend getting so distant?
- you know the friend asks you on a lot of things. you're too individualistic and your friend wants to keep moving forward.

6. *lacks of motivation"
- look how everything goes past you. don't miss another opportunity, this one might be the main reason and a key to get away from everything and everyone for a while.

7. i don't think i can trust this person ever again.
- no you can not, but you will move on and you will focus on the rest good things that this person have.

8. i want to be less self-centered and just stop caring about other's opinion.
- you're progressing. keep it up.

9. i don't want to hear all my negative thoughts.
- that's why you run every morning and plug your ears with songs to tone down the voices in your head, and it's working.

10. why am i fail at anything?
- you're not even trying.

11. i am proud but also jealous for this person.
- it's fine you're allowed to be jealous for things that other people are good at, but remember that you also have your own platform in which only you can do better.

12. what if this person don't like me back and juggles me around with other individuals?
- your intent is unpure from the start, take that risk.

13. i can't stand all these "friends" in this place where am i at the most.
- i know you should look for new ones but in the meantime just put up with them. i know you hate most of their views, they can be shallow and seems to embrace bigotry. they are tacky, noisy, and irritating but in some ways they are good people. just one more year, nevertheless you have your one friend you can run into at times when you just can't stand them anymore. 

14. why can't i seem to focus on my studies?
- only 2 out of your 6 lecturers whose insightful and actually have new informations to be told, so it's not entirely your fault.

15. i am happy to be best friend with this person.
- and you should. this person have dreams, kind-hearted, friendly and actually acknowledge your friendship. you can tell your deepest secret without being judged and this person inspires you in lots of different things. 

Monday, October 10, 2016

poem draft

a poem draft I found on my notes from june 10th 2015

TO GET NOTICE

never notice
how the sky is so high
until tall buildings are being built

never notice 
when the air used to 
be clean
until dusty wheels hits
the roads

and now
grey grounds
grey sky
small space

hey-
time means money
never notice 
how it's fly
until it’s too late

please,
your eyes half shut
open
and look !
sugar coated corpse
with a bitter
inner
center

darling,
does the world have to be shattered
and crumbled 
bits to bits
until you
finally notice?

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

#triggered

1. "eh lu gatau dia kan dulu atlit voli"
    "iya, tapi ga dibolehin lagi sama nyokap  hahaha"
    "ya iyalah masa cewek jadi atlit"

2. "jadi, cinta itu harus apa adanya, bukan ada apanya. amin? marilah kita bersatu dalam doa"

3. "kami menyarankan masa bimbingan untuk maba diperpanjang menjadi 1-2 bulan, karena banyak
     maba 2016 yang tidak respek terhadap seniornya"

4. "saya dulu sering lihat itu di amsterdam, orang gay berparade. astafiruloh, kiamat sudah dekat"

5. "temenin ke toilet. gamau sendiri, temenin dong"

6. "dia freak tau, suka ngomong sendiri"

7. "kayak orang freak anjing, jalan-jalan sendirian. macam gak punya temen"

8. "cari pacar dong"

9. "dia rada aneh sih kata gue, suka pake baju rada kecewek-cewekan gitu"

10. "indonesia tanpa pacaran. halalkan aku bang"

i'm so done.
nothing to do here,
lets just move to another planet.